Everything Happens For A Reason

I often use the phrase that there is a place for everything and everyone in our life. Through work, I was fortunate enough to meet the sweetest lady. This lady was the definition of resilience and hope. She was diagnosed with end stage breast cancer, and told she had 1-3 weeks left to live.

Like most people I am found of a good tear jerking story about the life and struggles of the terminally ill, but reading and watching these stories are nothing in comparison to living through the experience. This lady was in her mid nineties, married for seventy years to the same man that helped her to bed every night, and had a happy life. It is the same story told repeatedly time after time.

Well this lady did not live only 1-3 weeks, but stayed with all of us for 6 months, and I learned more about life and death within these six moths than a young millennial will ever need to learn.  Everyday I watched this woman die a little more, suffer a little more, hold on to every form of life she could.

Everyday she would tell me how she lived a good life, and God gave her an amazing life therefore she will never question why she was terminally ill. She told me that life is too short to be mad at people, to misunderstand people, too hold onto feelings and emotions. She told me every night to chase my dreams because no one will ever do it for me. Each time I talked to her, I knew she was placed into my life for a reason. She was there to save me from myself. To be the constant reminder that I do not only make a difference in her life, but I also touch so many people directly and indirectly daily without ever realizing. That a kind word or a gentle hand squeeze makes a world of a difference to people.

One day about four months before her death, I sat on her floor holding her hands. She asked about the expectation leading up to death. I carefully explained the process, and gave her my input. She cried. I cried. We both held each other knowing that we would be parting soon. That night I promised her that I would be there through the process. I would hug her and kiss her cheek. Hold her hand. I would tell her each night regardless of her state of mind to “sleep like a baby” like I have done every night up to this point. Sadly I was only able to give her six months of wishing her to sleep like a baby.

About a week ago this wonderful lady decided that she was ready. She was tired of pretending that every day was a normal day. She was done defying time and her illness.  She was done living only to keep her husband’s heart from breaking. She was tired of living through pain and discomfort and only enjoying life minimally. She stopped eating and drinking on her own accord, and requested comfort medications to remain pain free.  Than came the night she was barely responsive. As I administered her comfort medications, her daughter informed me that she has not spoken or responded to much for the past six hours. I bent over her kissed her forehead, squeezed her hand, and whispered in her ear “sleep like a baby”. She gently pressed her fingers against mine, and weakly replied “I’m going to miss you telling me that every night. I love you”.

Her spirit and soul left earth the following afternoon.

I learned  the inevitability of life is death, but why fear death when there is a life to live. If you worry too much about what’s ahead, you will never be able to enjoy what is in front of you right now. Life does not need to be perfect to be a good life, you only have to enjoy it. I cannot thank this wonderful woman for everything she taught me. I may stray away from my purpose in life at times, but I never will take life for granted anymore. She has taught so many things that would take at least six months to explain, but the most important lesson was that people and things are placed in our lives for a reason.  This lady and I was placed together for so many reasons. She told me everyday that I taught her so much about empathy and compassion that has no limits, about the normalcy of death, and that sometimes placing a fake smile is easier than explaining every bad moment. She taught me about life, sharing it with people, to never question fate, to stop and smell the roses, eat the chocolate, and to love without condition. I taught her about death and masking emotions, she taught me about life and being content with the cards dealt.  I will carry her story and a little piece of her with me no matter where life takes me. My life is forever changed.

 

Advertisements

Being a Slave to Time.

Every day I wish there were more time within a day.  It seems as if I have so much to do and never enough time to accomplish it.  Between work, school, writing, free time, spending time with my loved one, sleep, and the plethora of other things that I wish to do within a twenty-four hour time frame there is never enough minutes or hours.  I have gotten to the point in which I fixate on the amount of time it takes me to perform each task within the day or limit certain activities to a specific amount of time just to accomplish more within a given amount of time.

Like most Americans, I have a busy schedule that never ends.  I stress about the laundry list of items that I need to have done by the end of the week.  I have deadlines and a small amount of time to accomplish each task.  I am guilty of scheduling every second of my date including only leaving a specified amount of time to spend with the truly wonderful people within my life. Simply I have become a slave to time.

To make matters worse, I have become a slave to an idea rather than something tangible.  The reality is time does not exist, clocks exist. Time is just an agreed upon construct.  We have taken the distance of one rotation of the earth and one orbit of the sun and divided it into segments, and given each segment a label.  We have programmed our lives to live by this construct as if it is real.  Simply we have confused our shared construct with something tangible.

Thinking about the fact that time does not truly exist is mind-boggling.  It is like that moment sitting in Calc class when you find out that you can never truly go from one to two because there are in infinite amount of numbers between them (This actually did blow my mind and still does).   Realizing that time is just an agreed upon concept by humans makes me detest all the clichés about spending your time wisely and making the most of the time that you have.  This small realization has made me want to live by the popular cliché live each day like it is your last or the cliché Carpe Diem.  On second thought both of those include the existence of time.  I want to live a life that will make me proud within my old age and cherish the wonderful moments (which is technically measured a minute and a half) that will soon become memories.  Sometimes we all need to simply remember that there is more to life than having each moment of your day scheduled.  Take a break and live life because you are never guaranteed tomorrow.  Hope you have a great and inspirational day.

With Love

Kate