It’s Okay not to be Okay

We live in a society that views people’s happiness and strength with being successful.  From a young age boys are taught not to cry because they will be perceived as weak or girly. Young girls are taught to be truly equal we must reel in our feelings, and show less emotion.  Society forces us to make everything seem okay. Do not get mad, upset, overreact, and to always remain calm. Do not express emotion.

If you have a job that pays well, you should be overjoyed that you are not one of the others not employed. You should be grateful, even if you hate your job.  Simply we are taught to be grateful and suppress.

But truly, It  is fine to be unhappy. To want more out of life. It is okay to hate yourself for not living up to your potential. It is okay to cry because it feels right. To hate your six figure job because it does not make you happy.  Its okay not to be okay.

 

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Wealthy Person living Broke

It has been widely debated and a topic of interest the difference between being broke and being poor.  The topic never seemed to interest me much until someone referred to my life style as poor. Within the context of the conversation the person was asking questions about paying for a rental property.  To save space and time, he simply told me that my lifestyle was that of a poor person. My simply reply was my lifestyle is far from poor, I actually live a full and wealthy life.

I will not deny that I am a broke young adult that some how some way seem to make my bills each month, but I am far from poor.  Referring to oneself as poor digs deeper than having a lack of money or material items. Referring to yourself as poor is accepting that there is a social class distinction that is inescapable. There is no way out of the predicament.

As a broke person, you admit that you do not have money. The monetary means that other people are privileged to indulge with, but there is a way to change your status.  It declares that ones decisions, will, desire, and hard work can change the outcome.

So many broke people live wealthy lives because they have the means to live comfortably within their means. Being poor are the people who will never be able to push past their circumstance to a better outcome. People within third world countries that will never receive the comfort or convenience, these people are poor by circumstance.  They never get the opportunities that are given to many people in developed countries.  I am broke but I have doors opening and opportunities knocking each day.  This is the life of a wealthy person living on a broke girl’s budget. Knowing the difference is key.

We Are Built to Follow

I recently watched a video that explained and tested the theory of inclusion.  The reality that as a social animal we are built to naturally follow the herd. We are built to want to be included within the group, to not be the outcast.  This is the reason we conform. We conform to feel included. To simply not be excluded.

After watching the video, I could not help but question my own position on life and breaking the norm. I would love to say that I step outside the norm and the roam free from the herd, but am I just following another herd or am I actually independent.

The reality is I am somewhere in between. I did not take a full day to analyze the complexity of the situation, instead I came to a simply assumption.  The important take away from the video came to something quite simple.

Its important to feel included. Inclusion and feeling wanted is within our nature.  At some point our survival depends on others and the social connections we keep. On the same notion, its okay to feel connected to the people, but to be a part of a group and conform without questioning anything that feels wrong is not.  There should never be a time that you do not question something that does not sit well or make sense to who you believe you are.  Being able to stand up and go against the norms when the time is right is what makes us more human and less animal.  Simply everything is a balance, and its finding the balance that is most important part of being human.

Random Compliments

People often forget the power of words. Everyday we spew millions of words via our mouths or through our writing, but often forget the impact that these words have on others.  Each and everyone of us have the power to make or break some ones day through our words and actions.

Yesterday I had the pleasure of trying on my bridesmaid dress for a wedding that I will be a part of in June. To be honest, the whole experience tore down my confidence and positive self image.  It was overall a terrible experience that instantly put a damper on my day.

After leaving the bridal shop, I went food shopping with my beloved mother. To put it in perspective, I do not resemble my mother overall. She is a blond, has blue eyes, high cheek bones, and the greatest dimples.  As we enter the super market, this random stranger turned to my mother and said “Your daughter is beautiful, I am assuming that its your daughter based on the age difference, and the fact that you both have same cheek bones, widow’s peak, and larger set eyes”.

After the shock wore off the she was in fact talking to my mother and I, we replied that we do not get told we look alike often due to our drastic complexion difference and due to the fact that most of my features are direct matches to my father. Afterward the lady repeatedly told me how naturally gorgeous I was, and that its a shame that more people don’t openly compliment my looks.  Naturally I thanked her repeatedly, and continued shopping.

Now although the compliments was more than generous, the moral of the story is that this random stranger restored my lost confidence. She spread a little joy unknowingly. She had no idea about my day, but happened to change my bad mood instantly.

Every day, each and every person holds this great power. The power to uplift another person. We may not know what people are going through and the internal battles of each person we encounter, but we truly have the ability to bring a small glimpse of joy to others. Despite the world being full of negative people and actions, each of us have the ability to bring hope, joy, kindness, understanding, and honesty to other people.  Give a random compliment to a stranger. It might just make someone’s day or outlook. It might just change your outlook.

The Best Times of Your Life

When your in High school, people constantly tell you that you are going to miss these days. You are going to get to the real world and long for the simply days back in high school. For the longest time I felt that those were going to be the days when I sit back and long to be next to my locker, going from class to class, and only worrying about my perfect grades.

If I fast forward to today, I cannot say that I miss high school and long to go back to those days. I do not have a sob story about being bullied or anything drastic, but those were not what I would consider the “good times”. In High school I was within the top ten percent of my class, had a ton of  friends, a job paying higher than minimum wage, and a bright future.  It seems like the perfect blissful teenage years. With that said although I had a perfect teenage experience, I never long to return to those days.

I would never want to return to my old mindset or the truth that I believed in those days. Now that I am entering into my mid twenties, I have discovered myself. I have truly become the person that I was always meant to be. I stopped worrying about the shoe brands I wear, the purse that I carry, or the designers that I should be wearing.  I recognize the value of one true friend rather than 5 average acquaintances.

When I was younger I did not always spread love and understanding. I needed to have validation for my good deeds and things I have done well. I always looked to others to define me. My personality was shaped by the person I was hanging out with. I molded myself to fit others rather than staying true to myself. My life was dictated by others and controlled by the expectations set by society. Society defined me. My class rank defined my intelligence, the clothing I wore defined my worth, how many friends I had defined my popularity, I was defined by material objects.

My understanding of the world around me has changed drastically within the past few years. I have become awakened to my surroundings. I have my peace of mind. Others do not shape the perception I have of myself. I truly love myself. I love my small close knit group of friends. I love clearance rack clothing that was not created by a big name designer. I love my in depth knowledge of politics and research. I love understanding the world around me, and being able to learn something new on a daily basis.

The truth is when I am old and grey I am going to want to return to my twenties, at the time I become free. I might struggle, life is not blissful without real responsibility, but I am truly free. I am within the best times of my life, and I plan to make them worth remembering.  My advice is that life truly begins when you stop focusing on others expectation and become the person you truly want to be. This will become the time in your life that you will deeply cherish because you will be your truest self.

Life is like a box of chocolate

When I was younger, I watched the movie Forrest Gump. Like most people, the line the grabbed my attention was “my mama always said, Life is like a box of chocolate you never know what you are going to get”. Until recently, I did not agree with Mrs. Gump,  I believed that we could carve our destiny and future through hard work and dedication to our dreams.  Although I still believe in the ideals of setting your own path and that you are in control of your dreams, life has a way of carving a path you would never imagine for yourself.  Lately I have been dead focused on my career and success that I have imagined for myself. I have this high standard that I believe I must obtain to be successful and happy.  I have to lose so much weight, eat healthy, have a good career, make my parents proud, and so forth. Within all these goals to success, I forgot that these things will not truly contribute to my happiness. Being skinny with a great career will not keep me warm at night. Having a perfect life with the absences of laughing and people to share everything with is not true happiness.

True happiness comes from within. It is accepting our limitations while still pushing to be the best version of ourselves. It is finding someone who enjoys our imperfections and will eat pizza on a Friday night instead of someone who wants a perfect body.

Jerome Cole stated it best in the video below: minutes 10-11:30 and the end 22 till the end

http://www.hotnewhiphop.com/jcole-j-cole-interview-with-tavis-smiley-new-video.33108.html

I cannot tell you what life has in store for me each day. Life is truly like a box of chocolate. I never know what I am going to get day to day but at least I know it will be sweet, and at least I can look forward to a little bit of chocolate.

 

KP

New Year, New Me!

Over the past year, I took a back seat to writing and social media overall.  With the new year, I decided it is time to make big changes in my life.  I am ready to start a new journey and a new path including returning to social media.

Within the past two months, I have made some major changes in my life. I have changed jobs, I have moved, and recently began my journey on becoming a better healthier me. This journey is physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.

Starting slightly after the new year, I began a fitness journey and new living arrangements that included my younger brother.  Although we bicker and fight about everything, we have been a constant motivation to one another. Over the next few days and months you will hear more about my journey, and random adventures that My younger brother and I embark on.

Please enjoy a few laughs on the way, and enjoy our videos!

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCI7OzL24dnSb3AXg104FXDQ

Sincerely,

Kate

 

Living through a terrible Job.

I believe that everything has a purpose.  Each day, each struggle, and each joyous moment serves a purpose.  I am a person that has been taught that hard work is the key to success.  I have consistently  been employed since the age of thirteen.  My employment history has ranged from jobs such as babysitting, tutoring, and a paper route.  When I turned sixteen, I finally applied for my first real job.  To be honest my first job was practically handed to me because my mom was employed for the same company.  I started to work at a personal care facility in the dietary department.  Throughout my high school and college career, I have been working for the same company.

As time passed I have changed positions and have grown through the company.  I have advanced and have become a crucial role within the company.  To be frank, I have grown to hate my job and the drama that accompanies it.  It takes every fiber of my being to get myself to work each day.

Within the past few months, I have finally found the purpose behind the job that I loathe walking into every day.  As the days get longer and each day becomes more of a struggle due to the constant change in staff, I slowly began to find out what I want to do in my life.

In a personal care facility I work on average with eighty to ninety-five residents each day.  Within this time period, I am responsible for another person’s life.  I affect how they view the world.  I step outside of my everyday life and persona and enter into someone else’s world.  It is an experience that can never be put into worlds.  Modern society and world issues are no longer within importance, but traditional values and racism is still fully blown and active. You become intertwined into their past lives, but also their interpretation of the changing world.  You become their family.  It becomes more than can be described on paper.

Aside from being able to escape the world as I know it, my job has taught me so much more.  My job has told me that I never want to me in nursing.  The complex nature of watching people die day in and day out does not appeal to me at all.  With that said I have learned that I love working with people.  I love human interaction and taking care of people.  I have met amazing people who range from war heroes, children authors, CEOs, business owners, human rights activists, and so many more.  I have learned that I am able to accommodate a wide variety of personalities.  I also learned that I want to be able to organize and manage companies and affairs.  My strength is not bossing people around, but simply to manage people and business affairs, and keeping things running smoothly.

I have simply learned that each job does not always turn into a career, but each job will teach you a lesson about life and what your purpose in life maybe.  Each opportunity regardless if it may be at McDonald’s or Wal-mart can teach a person more than sitting at home waiting for the perfect opportunity to fall into your lap.  It does not matter if you learn the lesson that you should never be responsible for feeding a large group of people, there was a lesson to learn.  Each job you possess is one step closer to finding the perfect career.  Each small job that has no relevance to your career teaches small skills such as customer service, dealing with cranky clients, and so much more.

As I write after a long 12 hour shift, I remember my purpose each day is to work with my amazing residents.  My purpose each day is to become a stronger and well-rounded individual through labor intensive work.  Although this could never be my end all be all career, I am learning and growing each day to become the person that I want to be.  Down the road I will be able to take away so many amazing stories and opportunities that have been able to accomplish.

Signs You are a Social Introvert

One the downsides to American society is the peculiar way in which we think that everything should be able to placed within a certain category and in so many words fit into a simply “box”.  This includes simple to complex traits such as gender, sexual orientation, race/ethnicity, place of origin, and so much more.   This topic became especially apparent to me during my usual break room conversation the other day.  It all started when I was telling someone a story about my trip to Chicago and an awkward, but funny moment that occurred during a conference that I attended.  I afterward stated, “this only happened because I am shy and awkward”.  One of my coworkers proceeded to laugh and told me, “nope I think you are an extrovert there is no way that you are shy or introverted by no means”.  This made me realize for the first time that some people actually think I am extroverted.  This is actually far from the truth for those who meet me in an everyday setting that happens not to be my place of employment. I realized at this point that even our personalities are placed within categories and boxes.  As so many other aspects within my life, I cannot place this one part of my personality into one box on a questionnaire or survey.  I am neither introverted nor extroverted.  So I dedicate this blog to all those individuals who seem to not fit into a neat clean box, and like myself consider themselves a social introvert. 

Signs that you are a social introvert:

  1. You consider yourself shy.

One of the adjectives that you consider yourself is shy, but those who interact with you daily think you are the most outgoing person in the world. The reality is that you are only outgoing because you have spent way too much time with the person, but when you are with strangers you probably say but two words.

  1. You hate to host parties

Going to parties are your best bet because you can dictate when you arrive, leave, and when you can stop being social at any given time.  When you have to wait for people to leave or entertain everyone, it is just way too much stress.

  1. Being in a room with strangers raises your anxiety for days

This is a no brainer.  Large groups of strangers are a no-no zone for you.  You avoid groups of strangers like the plague.

  1. Your favorite part of parties involves chugging a drink or dancing

You love those party games that involve little talking and more drinking as well as parties that involve dancing.  Anyway you can let loose without holding a conversation seems to be your favorite.  This helps you to avoid awkward silences and weird conversations as well.

  1. When going to a party or event you make sure you know at least one person

As long as you have one or two allies you are solid.  You can safely be in that particular environment without panicking

  1. Speaking of one person. When in college you make sure you schedule a class with at least one person you know.

Going to a small college helps because you seem to always know someone in your class, but when scheduling certain classes outside of your major you make sure that you know at least one person to avoid being alone in the class.  Plus you need someone to sit next to.

  1. You seem to have a ton of friends

Having a ton a friends and talking to different groups of people is your specialty, but you truly are only good friends with two or three people.   You have so many acquaintances to avoid places and events where you do not know people.

  1. After a huge social event you need a day of rest.

This day of rest usually included having no social contact and hibernating in your room and watching a little television.  No other humans are to inhabit your space.  Too much interaction with people two days in a row will send your anxiety through the roof.

  1. Your fun filled weekend is not the same as an extrovert

A tub of Ben and Jerry’s, Netflix, a bottle of wine, your bed, and comfy pajamas are your description of a fun filled weekend.  Compared to the big party plans of the extrovert, your plans may seem like the most boring weekend on the planet.

  1. You are good at giving speeches in the right settings

Giving a speech to a large group of people on a stage or place where you cannot distinguish faces is an easy task, but speaking in front a small intimate group is the most intimidating event in history.

  1. You are considered a comic, but reality is that it all comes down to well planned jokes and well timed responses.

Every joke and side comment that people find hilarious is planned at least a few minutes ahead of time and is always executed in a certain manner.  Most people think that you are classically comical, but reality is that you planned on that witty yet cute comment.  Irony seems to always be planned.

  1. Your are quite sarcastic, which many people take as you being sassy

Many people take your sarcasm as sassy.  In reality it is your way of dealing with social settings and too many people being in a small space at one time.

  1. Only a few people know the “real” you

Those people fortunate enough to get to know probably know way too much about you. For example, how many times you urinated today.  This seems to happen because you hide very little from these folks.  On the other hand other people think that you are a complete mystery.

  1. Your genuine opinions are shared only with your friends

You hate offending people therefore many people do not know how you really feel rather just a general statement or two about a subject.

  1. You avoid arguments and controversial topics when talking to new people

You actually love to argue but never with new people.  Arguing and debate may be one of your pass times but you keep this to an intimate group of people so that you do not sound ridiculous to total strangers.

  1. People note that you have a resting “b*tch face.

This one is my absolute favorite.  Many people think that you do not socialize to them because you are stuck up or rude.  They will also tell you that you always look really mean.  One of my favorite compliments is when people tell me that I am so genuinely nice and how mean they thought I was.   Chances are if I am not talking to you it is simply because I am deathly shy, it has nothing to do with me being rude or not liking you.  I probably have no idea how to appropriately approach the situation.

  1. At a party or huge social setting you are an observer

During parties or social setting you seem to observe how everyone else is talking, acting, and interacting. You psychoanalyze and get to know a person by observing their behaviors.  Observation is also your favorite pass time.

  1. Or worse in large social setting you retreat into your shell

If you are not observing you are numb.  This seems to be a particularly bad day for you.  You become numb and fail at socialization all together.  These days are better spent by yourself in isolation.

  1. Teacher assigned group projects are the death of you.

When working in a group that is assigned by the teacher or professor you are bound to be placed in a group of students that are complete strangers to you.  You do not know any of these people.  This makes the group project so much more awkward to take over and control.

  1. Speaking of control, You love to have control over your environment

Losing control of your environment or having no control is not something that you can handle because than you cannot make those well planned jokes or know how to appropriately act.

  1. You are an amazing actor/actress

You seem to fit the mold that people want to see or expect.  When people think that you are the life of the party that is what you become.  You fit the personality of the group.  If it is a group of complainers you have a complaint.  It seems the easiest way to deal with social settings, but those close to you always knows the true you.

  1. You blog or indirectly post on social media most of your opinions

This allows you to be heard yet to never directly attack someone’s beliefs or opinions.  It gives people the option to avoid your opinion or take the time to read rather than shoving it down the throat of every person you interact with.  It also gives you the power to pick and choose who is able to see and read your opinion.  Again you stay in control of the situation.

To all those people who fall neither in the category of introvert or extrovert understand that you are not difficult just simply normal.  Never let people put you in one category or another because everyone is simple unique.  Being different from one another is what most of us pride ourselves in being.  So to all those social introverts like myself keep being your social yet shy self.

New Year, New Resolutions.

Every year about this time I make a few New Year resolutions that will help me become a better me for the year.  Each time I think I have the same goals that seem to never be accomplished.  Last year, I decided on one goal but I never quite accomplished what I wanted done.  This year is a time for change and time for me to focus on a new me.  This are goals that are both obtainable and improve overall health and well being.  Here is a list of my personal New Year’s Resolution, but is simple enough that anyone can start.  New Year is going to be the start of a new outlook on life.

  1. Each year, I have the goal to lose a certain amount of weight.  This year I am amending this goal.  Although weight loss is still a goal, I have changed my focus and drive.  During the last few months I have been working out and dropping a couple of pounds here and there.  My goal this year is to work out at least three day a week.  Not for the weight loss but because working out helps me stay alert and gives me a boost of energy that is always needed.
  2. Another goal is to write down daily one thing I am thankful for.  Positive thinking is key to success.  I am blessed to have amazing people and moments in my life, and it is time that I recognize the good in the world.
  3. Donate time and money to a charity that I feel strongly towards.  This is one to give back to the community and to become a better person.  By giving a part of my time and energy helps feel like I can affect others in the positive way in which others have impacted my life.
  4. Laugh at least once a day.  I am a firm believer in that laughter is the cure to almost anything. I often forget to do this often.
  5. Perform a random act of kindness on a daily basis.  Things as simply as opening the door for someone. Paying for someone’s lunch.  Some acts of kindness goes a long way.  Although I have done this in the past, it is a goal to do this on a daily basis.
  6. Give a genuine compliment daily, especially to those I may not know.  Spreading a positive outlook and being kind to people can only spread more positive in the world.  Being kind to those we do not hold dear is something we often overlook.
  7. On that note, Give myself a compliment daily.  It is time to stop self loathing and to embrace imperfections.  I may not like different aspects about myself, but I need to remind myself that I have good quality.
  8. Stop allowing others to define me.  This can range from society in general or from those people who seem to always put us down.  you can be whatever definition you want to be.
  9. Smile at strangers and often. I would love for everyone to try something.  When having a conversation with someone keep a straight face with the person for about five or ten minutes.  After that just smile as you are going through the conversation. Do not make it obnoxious, but you will realize almost every time the person will start to smile back.  For some psychological reason people tend to return a smile and it makes a person seem more open and more pleasant.
  10. My last resolution is to surround myself with people with qualities that I look up to, and to leave behind people who bring negativity into my life.  The people that you surround yourself with are the people that you become.  The people that you are with happens to reflect the type of person that you are.

Hopefully by keeping these resolutions in mind, it will help me to become a better and happier person. All of my goals are centered around keeping a positive outlook and becoming the best person that I can be.  Happy New Years! Hope everyone’s year is filled with great people and great memories that will last a life time.