Dear Mr President

Dear President Trump,

I have constantly rallied against your campaign while you were running for president. To my dismay you became president.  After you became president-elect, although I still adamantly was disgusted by the election result, I have decided that you have won the electoral college (an elite system that was created to only allow certain individuals vote for the actual president) I would still respect your title as president.  With that said I may respect your title, but you disgust as human being.

Although you promised to get career politicians put, you in fact have become the epitome of a politician.  You promised during your election “to make america great again”.  My first question is what made american great in the past. Depending on the person, there will be a diverse amount of answers, but to make this letter short, lets take this to the core values of America. What made America great is the fact that are values in our country is the freedom and democracy.  As you have only been in office a few days and seem to continuously attack one the main core values of America.

You silenced government agencies’ twitter pages, have them taking down certain pages to accommodate your philosophies,  you have condemned women for exercising their right to assemble.  This is not America. This is not Freedom. This is not democracy. THIS IS ONE MAN CONTROLLING AND MANIPULATING THE GOVERNMENT!  This is what happens in communist, oligarchies, and under dictators.   How are you making America Great again?

Here is a small piece of advice from someone who does not identify as either a republican or democrat.  Put your own big-headed opinions aside and listen to the concerns and cries of your fellow Americans.  What would make America great is to stop the government from infringing on our basic rights.  Allow people to make their own choices in regards to their body. Stop allowing watchdog agencies to tap into my computer because I smear your name. Stop thinking I am an uneducated person because my opinions differ from yours.  Accept that america is great because we are a melting pot of people.  Stop worrying about building a wall to keep people out, and build a society that does not need to be a police state, but rather a community that will expel the negative (which right now includes you).  Stop worrying about the numbers at your inauguration, and worry more about the fact that this country was built on a separation of church and state which never seems to correlate to laws that do not directly violate our freedom to practice any religion that we shall believe. Stop telling me about your christian values when you cannot even stay married to the same woman without divorce. I guess what I am saying is stop being you. Stop saying you are going to make America Great when you are just proving to be just as hypocritical as any other politician in office.

So even if you will not make America Great, I will continue to make America great again through my daily actions. I will continue to spread love and understanding. Instead of blaming people for having a difference of opinion than me, I will listen and learn from their knowledge of the subject.  I will listen and be understanding even when I disagree because that is the ultimate form of respecting someone else.  I hope within the next four years that you prove me wrong, and you truly make America a great place to live again.

Well I will conclude with talk to you later Mr. President. I hope you will hear my message and many other Americans cry for a Greater America.

 

Truly yours,

KAT

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Sometimes it is a little too late

Dear Dad,

I always have so many things I want to tell you, but I never seem to be able to articulate my thoughts properly, but either way there are so many things I have left unsaid.  To start I want to thank you for shaping me into the person I have become. Without your absence, I would never have discovered my strength, independence, or passion to have a fulfilling life.  You have taught me that at the end of the day you must depend on yourself before you depend on others.

Although I have found so many wonderful qualities in your absence, I have also discovered the demons that lie within myself.  From all of your broken promises, absence, and disappointment, I begin building a wall around myself. I promised to never allow another person to hurt me the way that you have repeatedly hurt me.  I have shut out so many people and have closed myself off to love and the opportunity to be loved. There were so many times, that I could have opened up to someone and had a life changing experience, but the fear of that person leaving or not caring enough was more overpowering. Sometimes I fear that I will never truly trust someone  because you broke me so many times.  It was your job to show me how to open up to people and all the experiences that life has to offer,but you were no where to be found.

I also allowed myself to accept that being second is okay. You have consistently placed me second in your life behind your girlfriends, work, your spouses children, your other responsibilities. I was never your first priority.  I went so long being okay with being placed second. Allowing to be others after thought. You had me think that I was not good enough, even my best efforts were not enough for you. I had to learn for myself that I am not a consolation prize. I am an amazing person worth knowing. I have so much to offer the world rather than being number two.

I can honestly say that I forgive you, but you simply do not hold a place in my life anymore.  I have shut off the part of my life where I allow others to make me feel unworthy of them.  As you constantly try to make an appearance in my well stable life, the shoe is now on the other foot. I do not have time to squeeze you into my busy schedule, you are not my first priority, my wall is already built, and I am done being hurt.

I know that you tell people that you don’t understand why I will not talk to you or give you a chance, or the times that you take credit for the person I have become.  My accomplishments you tell people about.  All of the things I have done through hard work and dedication that you take credit for.  You can keep the credit.  You can keep pretending that you have been a part of my life and have contributed to my accomplishments. The truth is that I stopped caring a while ago.

All of this may sound bitter and harsh, but I no longer feel anger towards you.  I truly feel sorry that you will never understand how broken you have really made me.  Of course this does not cover even half of what I really wanted to say, but its my way of ending all the thoughts that are trapped within my mind. And starts to answer the question “why am I so absent?”.  I’m absent because you were absent.

This is the beginning of my new found freedom.

 

XOXO

Kat

 

A letter to Jeremy

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Suicide.  The word instantly grabs people’s attention. The word carries a burden that no one seems to want to address.  Suicide.  You would think that the more you see or say a word, the easier it is to read.  SUICIDE!

Suicide is an issue that plagues many societies yet often becomes overlooked.  The word and the action of committing Suicide catch everyone’s attention, but the actions leading up to suicide usually goes unnoticed.

You have read the word suicide seven times since you have started reading yet the implication of the word still carries great weight, and does not at anytime become easier to read. Within the past six months suicide has become a major aspect of my life.  A family member of mine decided to end his life in the worst way possible. I have needed to write about this subject for some time, but every time I start it always seems to go unfinished until today. This is an open letter to my cousin because it is the only way to end my mental battle with the subject. This letter I started and finished a week after his death, that letter has since been replaced because life happened to me.   Now it is time to finally release the emotion that has been built up inside for so long.  Here is my letter to Jeremy:

Dear Jeremy,

The day I found out that you passed was one of the oddest days I have ever experienced.  Death is a subject that never draws much emotion from me in particular.  I am a firm believer that death is evitable, and that death should be a time of celebration of the accomplishments and the life that someone has lived.  It usually takes me a good while until the reality of the death sinks in for me, and my emotions let loose.  Your death was different.  To say the least it took me by surprise, which this is not the first time that someone has died without warning in my lifetime.  I was driving (do not ask me where or who was with me because I have no idea) and I was told you were dead, you killed yourself.  To this day I cannot explain the mix of emotion that swept over me.  I was upset and also really pissed off at you.  I felt like you took the easy way out. You left this place that is a hell hole for many of us.  Immediately following this brief moment of rage, I was filled with the unusual feeling of loss and grief. The first memory that popped in my head of you was when I was four or five years old.  I would fill my cheeks up with air and you would push my cheeks and let all the air out.  The last time I filled my cheeks with orange pop, you as normal pressed on my cheeks to get a face full of soda.  I cannot tell you why this was the memory that I remember, but it is one of many that stuck with me.  As I replayed that memory in my head a few times, I stopped the car and just cried for a couple of minutes by myself.  I could hear your laughter as you pressed on my cheeks.  I can see your face as orange liquid splattered everywhere.  I think this was the first time you ever yelled at me.

It is fair to say since that day I have thought about you often and each time I end up in tears.   Do you remember the last thing that you said to me?   You sent me a message and told me how proud you were of me. Going to college and becoming a young woman. I replied and told you that I missed you and thanked you for your kind words.  That is the last conversation that we ever had.  The last time I spoke to you.

To be perfectly honest before your last day on earth, I always held the opinion that taking one’s own life was a selfish unnecessary way to shorten a life.  That is not to say that I do not understand the psychology behind it or that each person’s mental stability is not on the same page.  Depression is real and has many unforeseen consequences; I just thought the person was making an easy escape from this hell on earth.

The months following your death have been quite difficult for me, not just because of your death, but for a variety of reasons.  One night, following a long difficult stressed filled day, I was sitting in my dorm room alone.  This was the first time I realized suicide is not the easy way out, but is an escape route.  This was the first time ever in my life that I really just wanted to give up, and throw in the towel.  I often express wanting to give up to my mom, but this was the first time I shut off my phone and did not want to move forward with my life.  I felt for the first time in my life that suicide was an option.  It would simply end all the stress I had.  All my responsibilities would be gone.  I would not have to work my behind off to pay for a tuition I cannot afford. Every cent to my name would not be placed on a bill or payment that I need to make.  I would not be constantly tired from working all night and having class all day.  I would not be putting stress on my mom to make up for the twenty dollars here and there I need to put gas in my car just to get to work.  I would escape the 50,000 dollar debt that I will be facing in less than a year.  I could go on for about another ten pages, but I think you get some of the more trivial reasons I could see the benefits.  To say the least I was at the end of the rope and I could no longer see the light at the end of the tunnel for the first time in my life.  It was the lowest I have ever felt. That night I looked at that last message you sent me.  I sobbed for a good four hours before drinking a bottle of wine.  You stopped me that day or maybe someone from above, I cannot really tell you.  I do not know if it was you in my dorm room that night, or just my unusually strong stubborn will and faith in God that changed my mind.

What I realized that night was suicide is not the easy way out.  Wanting to end your life is hard knowing the affect it will have on the people around you.  On one had you are to the point that it seems the only way out of the misery, but on the other you are sacrificing the lives of those who surround you.   I know that you were stressed and life was not easy for you.  We are not the type to reach out and pull the sympathy card either so I know you eternalized many of your feelings.  I am not mad anymore at the decision that you made that day, but often wish that it would be different.  I wish I could see you one last time.  The truth is I do not know how I feel about the word suicide anymore. What I do know is that life is tough and there are times that people do not see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I want to simply thank you Jeremy.  Every life event is put into my life for a reason, and your death has taught me so much about life and loss.  There are so many memories that I hold near and dear that was created with you that are more vibrant than ever before.  To give you a brief update, Life has not gotten any easier and I take life day by day. Life has been a series of trials and tribulations lately, but I am not strong enough to make the decision that you did.  I have more time in store for me here on earth.  Hopefully this will be the last time I write you to tell you about how terrible life can be.  In the future at my graduation I promise to write you another letter, at my future wedding, my first child (which hopefully is adopted in my late thirties), and other great life events that prove that the night in my dorm room was you telling me to hold on. I have realized life can be tough and sometimes you cannot always see the light, but there are people, songs, and precious moments that help lead us through the dark and makes life worth living. Passion keeps us moving, and hope takes us further.  I love you and hope you rest easy big guy.  Until the next time we meet.

With Love,                                                                                                                                                               Kate-Kate